


Burnt coffee

by DampBlanket (FiveKittens)



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Depression, Hurt Foggy Nelson, POV Foggy Nelson, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, ish?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 10:47:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16763632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiveKittens/pseuds/DampBlanket
Summary: When Foggy woke up this morning he didn't expect to have that thought in his head...A one shot, character-study-ish thing.





	Burnt coffee

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick warning of suicidal thoughts, happy reading.

You know some mornings, and you wake up and the only thing you want to do in the whole world as roll over and go back to sleep. Where breathing is an effort and talking, doing, basically just being a person sits firmly in the no go zone.

Yeah, well, Foggy was having one of those days. The ones that; ignoring Matt stumbling in, half dead in the morning was easier than facing the fact he looked like a bus had done a three-point turn over him and then realised it was going the wrong way and had to repeat the action.

Easier than knowing he was in a (new) semi-failing law firm with a mountain of student debt (despite his parents being responsible people and giving him a college fund) but then again that tends to be what happens when you choose a career that requires an undergrad and further training.

But Foggy did what he did almost every day he felt like this and roll out of bed, (not that he didn't feel like this everyday) and when he said ‘roll out of bed’, He literally meant onto the floor because he had a better chance of getting up off the cold, hard floor than his comfy, warm bed.

Once he had gotten off the aforementioned floor and put on his suit ( literally any suit would do) and had began stumbling out the door, it felt like a life time had passed. 

************************** 

By the time Foggy hit work, after extensive use of this shittiest public transport network known to man (at least that's certainly what it felt like). He walked into the office, anxious sweat beading at his collar before unlocking the door.

He was the first one in (thank God, so no one gets to see how frazzled he was) despite this morning's mess. And, in his final bid for life, flicked the coffee machine “on” before collapsing in his desk chair.

He'd get up when the others arrived. But for now, he could just stop for a while.

***************************. 

Foggy could swear up and down that this wasn't normality for him, sure it happens... but most of the time (but the last while) he's been fine. He's gone through months of fine, years even. When the feelings, the desperation, the hurt, the loneliness are something he can't even properly remember.

College was mostly fine, with exam times being stressful and hard but he did new things; learnt useless languages (the Punjab choice was never good one, not matter how many different ways one tried to spin it) and he'd partied and made friends, and damn, he'd gotten a livelihood out it it. Like, real productive!

Highschool haven't been terrible, sure people were mean and nasty, and bullies seemed to like him more than the average guy. But he got through it, he just felt like everything was falling slowly (like the song) except he's no one to pick himself back up ( and for everyone else nothing seemed amiss but for him it was like he could see what we going to happen and have no control over how it fell, or even trying to stop it). 

He’s parents certainly didn't need his BS, sure they would be happy to help, willing to lend an ear and give him all the time in the world. But he felt old, he was a man, a learned man ( well not really) with a degree and everything! Not living at home (thankfully) and... He had a law firm that employed people! He detested the thought of running home to Mum and Dad, have to go home because he couldn't do it, he couldn't face the world like a normal person and just get on with life.

He could do it, it was just really hard right now.

And don't get him started on Matt, he loved him.. avocados in law and all that, and they had history, so much history. It stretched basically all of his adult life (and into some of his late teens) but yet recently they were out touch. Maybe it was the lying, (to most of his adult life) or maybe he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that his best friend, the one he dropped a steady job and income for rent and you know the necessaries: the man he literally gave his livelihood to was daredevil. His blind best friend. So much for 'no secrets’.

***************************. 

By the time, the office got off the ground, with Karen taking the burnt coffee out and starting a new pot ( not that that one wouldn't get burnt as well). It was much later than it should have been, by all rights. But Foggy couldn't find it in him to care, he had spent the morning doing through cases, from a unhappy landowner to a kid filling for emaciation from their sleazy bag pair of parents.

The morning had be the least productive day so far from a bad bunch, but Foggy couldn't find it in himself to care… at all. So when Karen came in for a third time to ask if he wanted to go to lunch he snapped. Between blurting out some random excuse to leave ( whether it was about a client or illness he couldn't tell you) before rushing out of that god-forsaken office and on to the street below.

He could tell you much later, that it was only several hours later, after wandering around for hours, (it really was a miracle he didn't get mugged) did he realise he had left without his phone, wallet and keys. With the option of home/shitty apartment out, he just continued walking, walking with his head lost in a maze of thought, the sort of stuff that he had sworn he wouldn't think about.

When he hit upon Brooklyn bridge, and he glanced up to see the sprawling feat of engineering, he stopped. I mean, he knew that he'd been going a while but to wander the whole way to a completely different burrough, without noticing or caring. Foggy wouldn't consider himself a blasé person, he was focused and methodical, he looked at small details and the entire picture so to lose his surroundings so completely. It was daunting.

As he leant over the railings, contemplating the depths below, the thoughts that had been buzzing sound his head since his teens came to the forefront. 'What would happen if he fell?’ ‘ What would happen if he died?’. Would he be mourned? How would it feel? Foggy had always loved rollercoasters, did since his first at 15, with someone he had met the day before. Would the hole in his stomach be taken up by the adrenaline rush? Would his mind be clear? Fogged? Confused? Realise it was a mistake the minute he stepped?

Foggy knew what he should have done, fuck… he'd done it before. Walk away from the temptation, clean his mind and pretend that it was never there at all. But instead his morose thoughts continued, Cadence had a boyfriend- a long term one with a job. Husband material, and her job was good too. She had friends, and co-workers and their parents, probably might have a kid or two on the way soon enough, she didn't need him dragging her down. Sure they met at Christmas every year but Foggy felt like it was becoming more of a pleasantry as time went on. She'd be fine. And his parents, yeah they were old.. but they had the shop, Cadence and the dog. More friends than they know what to do with. It would hit them but they could do it. Together they could do just about anything. 

So Foggy stood there, he just stood and let the world go past, figuring that maybe if he stood there long enough the answer would become clear…at least, that was the hope. But then again, he doesn't have much of that.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me many months to finish and a fair few feelings. I hope you enjoyed it? I feel like that's just completely the worng thing to say but.. ahh well.


End file.
